The Most Pathetic Mix CD of All Time

Hey there. If you've been reading my blog, or if you actually know me, you know that I'm more than just a tad pathetic at times. My most pathetic moments came before I met my now-wife, when I was in the dire search for a girlfriend. I was always very clingy and gapingly lonely in my hunt for female companionship, which meant that I put every girl I had a thing for on a pedastal that no person could possibly live up to. I was a stalker with a Smiths soundtrack.

High Fidelity is one of my favorite books and movies (and I'm trying my damndest to not sound like a cliched 20-something, but you can only go so far) because it's so fucking relatable. It's like an auto-biography or something. One of my favorite things to do in pursuit of the opposite sex was to make a mix tape. I did this before I saw the movie and I did it many times after.

I've been with Ilana for over four years now. The mix CD's I've made since then have had a different take to it (including a mix CD we made for our wedding present.) So I've come up with a challenge.

I want to make a 12-song mix CD from a slightly more exaggerated version of my 22-year-old self. The loneliest, saddest, most desperate songs put on a CD in hopes to impress a girl I met at the Willowbrook Mall food court or something.

Give me your suggestions for this CD!

Here are some early sketches:

1. "God Only Knows" by The Beach Boys: The best pop song ever written. But in terms of giving this to a girl on a First Date Mix Tape, I couldn't think of anything more psychotic.

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
I'll make you so sure about it
God only knows what I'd be without you
If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on, believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me?
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you


2. "Silly Girl" by The Descendents: One of the all-time best punk bands, the first punk band to really capture teenage suburban heartbreak in all its angst and agony. This is a pretty perfect song for the pathetic 22-year-old music geek/socially awkward maniac. This is a pretty perfect song for the occassion -- the boy only hears the "I'm in love with you" line in the verse, but the girl would hear the clinginess and pleading involved. (Thanks George!)

Started on a summer Sunday
Your pink dress on the setting sun
You were going to Grandma's house, I was too scared to come

My silly girl, I'm beggin you
Tell me all the things that I want to hear
My silly girl, I'm in love with you

3. "Across The Sea" by Weezer: The definitely awkward pining song, perfect for the guy who thinks a girl is the answer to all his problems. It maquerades itself as a sweet, timeless anthem but is all about uncalled for possessiveness.

As if I could live on words and dreams and a million screams
Oh how I need a hand in mine, to feel

Why are you so far away from me?
Why are you so far away from me?

4. "Sweet Thing" by Van Morrison: Another timeless pop song, but completely misguided and inappropriate for the First Date situation. Also lets the girl recieving the tape know that the guy giving it already knows where she lives.

Oh sweet thing, sweet thing
My, my, my, my, my sweet thing
And I shall drive my chariot
Down your streets and cry
'Hey, it's me, I'm dynamite
And I don't know why'
And you shall take me strongly
In your arms again
And I will not remember
That I even felt the pain.

5. "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel I think this is the perfect song for this situation. The big song in "Say Anything" where John Cusack holds up the boom box to try and win back Diane Court. The first time anyone in the history of the world was emo. Naturally, the guy in this situation would think this is the best movie ever made. And the girl in this situation would like this movie, too, but would certainly not want some dude holding up a boom box outside of her house.

6. "Last Night I Dreamt Somebody Loved Me" by The Smiths Arguably the most pathetic song by the most pathetic songwriter who ever lived. The video down below is exactly the kind of thing I'm looking for right now.

7. "The First Cut Is The Deepest" by Cat Stevens 1. If all you've heard is the Sheryl Crow abortion of this song, you're missing out. The original (and a few other cover versions) are terrific. 2. Being that I established that I met this girl at a mall food court, I'd imagine the Sheryl Crow version has come on the radio. And I make a snarky comment about the song and how much I love the original. She's never heard it. Perfect mix tape material. 3. Whenever I was fixating on a girl I just met whom I had a first date planned with, I usually just assumed that I already messed something up (or would soon.) So this is a pre-emptive apology. 4. I'd spend the entire date depressingly talking about Stacy, the girl who broke my heard 3 summers earlier when we worked at Chuck E. Cheese.

8. "Love Song" by The Cure
whenever I'm alone with you you make me feel
like i am home again whenever i'm alone with
you you make me feel like i am whole again

whenever i'm alone with you you make me feel
like i am young again whenever i'm alone with
you you make me feel like i am fun again

however far away i will always love you however
long i stay i will always love you whatever
words i say i will always love you i will always
love you

whenever i'm alone with you you make me feel
like i am free again whenever i'm alone with
you you make me feel like i am clean again

however far away i will always love you however
long i stay i will always love you whatever
words i say i will always love you i will always
love you

9. "Everywhere I Go" by The Muffs Criminally underrated garage/punk band fronted by a girl. I always like to put a girl fronted band on a mix tape for a girl. This is really good because it's another song that sounds day dreamy but this one is written from the perspective of a girl being stalked by a loser.

It's not what I can see
It's not what I can hear
It doesn't trouble me
But still it's around

You know what I'm thinking
And when I'm celebrating
I feel your eyes on me
But I can't see you

You understand I'm not afraid
Of your complete devotion now
But if it ever gets out of hand
I'll bring you down

Everywhere I go you're there
Everywhere I go you're there
Everywhere I go you're there
Can't you see you're driving me insane?

10. "You Are The Everything" by REM Another song waaaay too deep in romantic sentiment for a first date. Title's pretty explanatory.

11. "Paper Lanters" by Green Day After a bunch of slower songs, time to break out a rock song. This is still my favorite Green Day song. It sounds kind of sweet and sentimental at first but is actually about a guy pining for an ex-flame. You think I could get over the girl from the art school who wouldn't return my phone calls that quickly?

Now I rest my head from
Such an endless dreary time
A time of hopes and happiness
That had you on my mind
Those days are gone and now it seems
As if I'll get some rest
But now and then I'll see you again
And it puts my heart to the test

So when are all my troubles going to end?
I'm understanding now that
We are only friends
To this day I'm asking why
I still think about you


12. "Am I Wrong" by Love Spit Love The dude from the Psychadellic Furs' post-Furs project. This is the song that starts the movie Angus. Really great, delicate power-pop song. The chorus is perfect for a pathetic mix tape.

Goodbye, lay the blame on love. (Repeat a bunch of times.)